Parenting is a complex journey that often involves making difficult decisions. In this essay, we explore how one parent is teaching their 10-year-old child independence in ways other than allowing them to go outside alone.

Redefining Independence in the Age of Safety

Walking Alone: A Past and Present Perspective

Growing up, the author started walking alone by age 8 on quiet residential streets to school and various other places. This unsupervised time was when they began to develop a sense of innate independence. However, now with their 10-year-old child, they don't feel safe letting them go outside alone due to factors like living near a busy intersection and the parent's long COVID and wheelchair use. It's a stark contrast between the author's own childhood and the present parenting situation.There was a time when the author's sister wrote about riding all over Berkeley with their cousin at 11. This shows how children's independence levels have changed over the years. The author realizes just how vast the difference is between their own upbringing and that of their child.

Freedom in Different Contexts

Despite not allowing the child to leave the house unsupervised, the child still has more freedom in life than the author did growing up. As a fifth grader, they are learning to prepare simple dishes, selling old toys for money to buy new ones, and even making online shopping orders when the parent is unwell. These activities give the child a sense of responsibility and independence within the home.The author also reflects on how their own childhood freedom often came with negative experiences like being followed and catcalled. Now, they are glad to be more present for their child and provide a different kind of support.

Preparing for Adulthood in a Big City

Recognizing that their child will face difficulties as an Afro-Latine teenager and adult, the parents are taking steps to prepare them. The father, who was bullied as a small kid, has been training the child in self-defense since toddlerhood. They also educate the child about consent, how to find trusted outsiders for help, and physical safety. Homeschooling gives them the flexibility to instill these skills at a pace that feels safe.For example, in a city with drug use downtown, the child knows how to identify discarded needles and what to do. This shows the parents' efforts to equip the child with the necessary tools to navigate the world.In conclusion, parenting is a continuous process of finding the right balance between giving children independence and ensuring their safety. This parent is doing their best to prepare their child for adulthood in a large city while also providing the love and support they need.